The mum that I love

It's the eve of Mother's Day and I choose to celebrate today. I choose to celebrate what is right here today for me, around me especially. That special mum of mine who lives across the other side of the world in Israel. No doubt I will call her as soon as I finish this and try to connect with her for that special day here in Australia. In Israel it is not really celebrated. A little during day care and preschool but pretty much done after that. In fact, it has a different day anyways...sometime in February. Go figure.

When I think of it, not much is celebrated on a regular basis. Mum often brushes birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, Father's Day. I did that too when I first came here. I used to buy my own birthday cake and bring it to work, and everyone will be confused. They would say: "we should be doing this." or "how about we go out for a drink or dinner" and I used to say: “oh don't worry about it". Why? Why?
Because that's the home I grew up in. Celebrations were of a different kind. 
Religious- oh my goodness the Jews have tons of holidays throughout the year and even if you are not a practicing family, you would celebrate most of them as a traditional one. Don't get me wrong, one of my favorite things we did regularly is a Friday dinner and a Shabat(Saturday)Lunch as a whole family, every single week!
I know now how valuable it is as I miss it so much and glad that my husband likes it too and looks forward to do it in our home as a family one day.

My mum gave me a cake to celebrate my first menstrual cycle. (If she were to read this right now, she would have a giggle or a heart attack... I better prep here)
I remember this like it happened yesterday!! I was about 11 years old when that happened, I called mum as she was at work, she was so excited!! She was screaming for joy and couldn't wait to come home to give me a big hug and.... a cake. She said:

"Oh, thank you God, that means my daughter is fertile and now can have children".

My mum's greatest virtue is she says things as they are. You want truth, you go to see my mum. No games, no BS just truth. Black and white. Can I also add and be clear that when I say, you'll get the truth out of my mum and 99% of the time it will be a universal truth. Pretty factual. Just as it is. I mean, why else one would be so ecstatically joyful about getting a menstrual cycle? Biologically it means we can procreate, right!? My 11-year-old, who has already started getting curious about sexuality, has just created her first powerful message to the brain... Do not get pregnant no matter what!!

Did you know that our brain's main function is to protect ourselves? you do. It is its prime objective. 
If there is a powerful & clear thought that has been sent to instruct it, it will obey and follow. My teenage self has just experienced a confused message of shame, joy, worry, pain, celebration all in one go and gave a clear message of fear to the brain...DO NOT FALL PREGNANT. 

Now, hold up. Before you get all confused and lost in my story again, I just want to tell you that I am NOT blaming anyone here. This realisation was a result of weeks of work, if not months with a coach. My willingness and the divine timing of what I was ready to hear and heal that has come through for me amongst many other limiting beliefs and realisations, of why am I not pregnant yet. 

One of the most healing moments for me was actually having long heart to heart conversations with my mum about that very moment, helping her understand my processing. Helping her detangle any guilt or any other negative emotions we both may have been carrying through this. 

We both came to a place of renewed love and acceptance. We both let go of any need to fulfill each other's dreams and just open our hearts for support and love from one another. My mum is my rock. My inspiration and one of my greatest teachers. I truly believe she is the only one that loves me unconditionally. That is probably the main thing I wish I could give her back. Perhaps what I feel from her is the one great thing I desire for myself in my pursuit for motherhood.

Knowing unconditional love.
I truly believe that this only exists between a parent and a child. I see it all the time. People can reject a relationship that doesn't serve them, because at some point it just doesn't align with the conditions originally set. Mums around the world will never stop loving their children, no matter what. I would love to experience that on a knowing level. Deep and unquestionable.

Today I heard about the mum that I already am, the mum of my inner child.
I find so much tenderness in that statement. So much peace.
May it be what you needed to hear today, or perhaps what you can share today.

Big hug. Maya xx

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Ask for help, not because you are weak, but because you want to remain strong.

Les Brown