I feel like I’ve been ghosting myself recently. Ever since I’ve been back to Sydney, I have been struggling getting back to my rhythm. My work, my routine. There has obviously been change in priorities, because even my house is getting very little attention right now. If you know a little about me, I am very house proud. I like it to feel homey and cosey and organised. So just like that, the formula has changed and is already affecting me, us differently.
Not only that, but it is also the second day of a new Jewish year, and as per usual, I miss my family very much. I know the last time I wrote it was all drama, issues, and expectations. But just like every other relationship, things pass. You move on. You recognise you too had a part in it. You forgive and move on. I know I had my expectations set high when I visited my family last, but that wasn’t my only blind spot, I seem to forget that I just got back from a wonderful holiday at the Greek Island, and so I was relaxed happy and very tanned. My family was still in their usual daily grind without a break in sight and with many daily worries on their paths, just like most people around the world these days.
Ghosting- what a crazy term. When someone ends all communication without explanation…I feel like I’ve been ghosting myself because I feel like I am standing still, just holding position, holding state. I cannot really share it with anyone, but all I want to do is scream it out loud to the whole world to know. I am so so happy, but there needs to be some reservation of that joy. For now, at least it must remain contained, protected. In all honesty, I think it is absolute nonsense. Once again, I feel like I must tone it down for the sake of other people’s comfort and superstitions. It’s ok you know… It is only temporary. If the only price I pay right now is ghosting, I can handle it.
I recently heard Brene Brown talking about Joy. She says it is the most terrifying emotion to experience. “When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding… People say, I’m not going to soften into these moments of joy, because someone or something might take it away…”
The way to navigate this away and stay in joy is to be grateful for the present moment and to practice gratitude regularly. Practice gratitude at every given moment, not just in your gratitude journal, not just when you are given something tangible or valuable, practice gratitude at any moment you feel lifted, joyful, relaxed, challenged. For every moment you feel your senses igniting and experiencing something new or beautiful.
As I am writing this, I can honestly say, that I have been doing exactly that. I have been taking in any moment of newness, any warm smile, any pleasant touch, any loving hug, any meaningful conversation, any delicious meal, any short nap, any early morning, and any lazy day and being totally grateful to have just experience that. I guess that’s what living in the present moment feels like. Part of me (the logical/doing part) is asking me to hurry up and get to work, get to writing and planning, and now a bigger part is saying, enjoy the moment… feel the energy in the joy….enjoy. Stay present. Stay true to what is right now.
I now feel like I can understand my ghosting behaviour better. I felt like avoiding the whole situation will protect me from what I am feeling, or perhaps make it go away, where in fact it is our go to mechanism when experiencing joy. We want to bit tragedy to the punch so we don’t get hurt again or too bad, so we just tone it down a little. That’s just crazy talk, isn’t it?
I say continue with gratitude, joy and staying present.
For those of you that have been following this for a while, I know you are expecting some developments, some news. All I can say that everything is exactly how it should be and I am very happy. I am so grateful for you being here and hope you too get something out of it.
I’ll keep it short this time and continue to stay present and with my joy. I hope you can do the same.
Lots of Love.
PS- for Brene’s interview click here: https://youtu.be/RKV0BWSPfOw
I am happy for you feeling joy and gratitude, good things come to those that wait. Only wish the best for you Maya, you deserve it!
Love and Best Wishes always, Christine 💜