I seem to enjoy my sleep ins, my afternoon naps, my long stretched out mornings when only 6 months ago I’ll be up before 5am and head to the gym, walk the dog, have breakfast, and start my working day. These days I am still in my PJ’s and thinking about what I should have for breakfast today. Has my life slowed down suddenly? Is it my priorities that changed? Am I afraid of something? Am I simply choosing to take it easy, stay calm and relaxed, not too much stimulation or activities.
Don’t get me wrong, there are days that I am bursting with energy and that leads me to a long walk or a mad spring clean around the house, nothing like the old spin class or even any weight barring exercise. Whatever it is, I feel semi restless and semi cool. There is always some kind of discussion inside my monkey mind. Is it this or is it that? Should I or shouldn’t I? Yes, I could, no… maybe not and on and on.
Whatever is going on and wherever I’m at right now, I can say for certain, feels unfamiliar. The old me would say who is that lazy person (yes yes, judgment always sticks its ugly head), common lady you should be doing something, anything!!
I remember a while ago at a sales conference, this lady gave a keynote, she shared her story of sitting on her rocking chair for what seemed like hours, just holding her belly, hamming away and dozing off a little, and her partner would go past and ask what she is up to, she would simply say: “I am making a baby”.
Obviously at the time, I thought it didn’t make sense at all, why would you do that? But today I can completely relate. There are moments you will find me sitting there, just lost in my thoughts and hamming away to my belly. The feeling of wonder and content is so satisfying, that I cannot think of doing anything else but that. Making my baby.
Every morning, after a shower, as I oil and moisturize my ever-growing body, I examine the changes in my body. My breasts, my nipples, my belly, my skin, my eyes. Sometimes I feel like I am having a new improved relationship with all of them.
Knowing how they are all doing their bit in preparation for the little one. The gratitude I feel is beyond words. This deep appreciation for god’s creation. What naturally is happening to my body and the process of thoughts in my mind is nothing short of magic. Profound excitement.
I tell you what though, it is time to purchase some new underwear and bras, I keep stretching my time and my underwear, wondering how much more I can push on those, but in truth it is time to face that ever-growing body with kindness and love, straight into maternity section at David Jones. What can I say, part of me is still pinching myself in disbelief that I am here and pregnant. While another big part of me is feeling squashed in my undies. Time to go shopping, woot woot!!
One of my favourite things to do is go through my wardrobe and clear out any items that no longer work for me. I feel that this time around, it was much easier. To be honest I did a big clean out when we got back from overseas. As I unpacked my suitcase, I realized that many items in my closet no longer represent me. Not only they don’t fit, but they are no longer my style or describe who I am or how I feel.
So, oh boy that was a huge clearance and a brutal one. Especially some items that I used to love and fit in and that they were is such great quality still. All I know is someone out there will benefit from them greatly.
It’s a small synchronicity when the weather is flipping so dramatically from nice to wild, from summer to winter in a space of an hour. I’m sitting at one of my favourite shops and having a generous bowl of açaí with granola, bananas, and strawberries with a crazy topping of peanut butter. It’s my weekly indulgence and truly never fails to wow me. Also, right next table I can overhear a young girl discussing her wardrobe that she recently outgrown. She clarified it has nothing g to do with size, but what seems like more of a feminine flattering type for her body, not necessarily what is in fashion or the cheapest to be found. How refreshing!!
Some other changes are happening around the house too. At this point they are only little, but certainly a new nesting season for me. Ever since we’ve both been working from home; our office space has become a little tight and messy for my liking. I must admit, I find that room a little more challenging to de clutter, making decisions in there are a bit more complicated as it involves both of our needs in office space, and I think they are very different. So that one might have to sit in the “too hard” basket for now.
It feels like my work hours are shortened and I would be worried about it normally, but now I understand the shift as I simply cannot work long hours standing on my feet, and so instead I appreciate the shorter days, where I can go home for a nap or have a chance to continue working on my new coaching business. It is still demanding but in a very different way. More mental than physical, and I love it all so very much. I just know that everything that is happening right now, is for the best and that the universe always has its way of supporting what is meant to be for me right now. This trust grows within me every day. This knowing that everything will be ok.
I’ve also been doing a lot of work on my new website with a plan to launch an online course, store, and coaching site. It has been such a long transition on its own for the past two years. Many courses, study, self-development, ongoing growth with vision to see it all comes to life very shortly. It feels like the preparation has been lasting for so long, sometimes its borderline procrastination other times it was the reach for perfection, both are simply masking some fear and shame that I am just not there yet.
One other thing that needed to change was my dog’s barking. He gets overly excited when people come to visit or when people are walking past our house. That will be a bit of an ongoing process, but he seems to be happy to focus and learn something new. I just need to be consistent with his daily training and prepare him for the additional member of our family that will arrive in April. When I work with my dog and train him, I can see how simple repetition and consistency supports growth and new learning. No doubt I can apply some of that to my changing space and habits.
Most of all I need to remember to be kind to myself and everyone around me. I know there is a huge shift in directions, in understandings, in being and it is all happening collectively, not just to me. When in communication with others, always remember that they too are going through some changes. Be kind and allow others to do it in their own time and space. You can assume that they have their own stuff going on.
Thank you again for being here and reading this.